I slowed down over the past couple of years. i knew where I wanted to go... but a few key failures and a couple interpersonal relationships gone sour left me disillusioned. For a while... I gave up on the goodness in the world. It seemed as if any good was either 1) a mask for the true nature of people, 2) overshadowed by someone else's cruelty.
In all honesty, I just stopped feeling that this world was not worth saving. I didn't see the point of trying to bring beauty in a world enthralled, if not obsessed with it's own ugliness. As a person who from childhood believed that goodness always overcame... this feeling was debilitating. I couldn't write, I didn't want to act... I supported my friends talents, and artistically lived vicariously through them.
Lately, I have been plagued with a new thought... What if I'm not here to erase the ugliness? Maybe, I'm here to create oases of beauty. Places where people can leave the darkness... if only for a little while.
I have a (new) Theori.
More info coming soon.